


Lovesong

by Anonymous



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Body Worship, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, Light BDSM, M/M, Power Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Praise Kink, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Service Top Richie Tozier, Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-12-31 14:27:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21147224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Eddie wants to try something new. Richie isn't sure, but if it's what Eddie wants, he wants to be able to give it.Kink exploration and negotiation follow, and eventually, so does a mutually enjoyable kinky time.





	1. You Make Me Feel Like I Am Home Again

“You know what I like about you, Rich?” Eddie’s smile is pure sex, it’s the kind of look that cuts straight through any defenses Richie might have had.

“No.” Richie blinks. “I mean, of course, yeah. I mean… is it my dick?”

He snorts, pulling Richie’s hand up to spread over his ribcage, dragging it up to his chest. “It is a little more than that, actually.”

“Well fill me in, then, what else have I got to recommend me?”

“Oh, I don’t know… you’ve got big hands.” Eddie sighs, continuing to direct Richie’s touch, to arch into it. “_Big _ hands. And nice shoulders. Sexy arms.”

“Are we talking about the same me?” Richie laughs nervously, but he’s happy to let Eddie show him where to touch, to press in firmly, to knead at his chest, thumb over a nipple through the fabric of his shirt. 

“Strong thighs…”

“Oh, no, you’re the one with the sexy legs.”

“Rich, you always take such good care of me.” Eddie purrs, ignoring the slight protest. He presses closer, getting one of his own hands on Richie’s thigh and giving it a squeeze, urging Richie closer as well. “You fuck me so good, daddy.”

“... Uh…”

“Shit, that was weird, can I take that one back?” Eddie asks, cute little frown creasing his brow. “Not ‘daddy’.”

“I mean you can call me whatever you want, I can get past weird if you want.” Richie says, because maybe it’s not something he’s ever asked to be called-- or thought about asking to be called-- but there’s not a lot of things Eddie could say to him in bed that wouldn’t get him going. 

Or pressed up against the kitchen counter, as the case may be. 

Basically, Eddie could say anything to him, anywhere, and he thinks he’d be good to go. 

“It’s kind of weird, though.” Eddie makes a face. “Can I start over?”

“Sure, yeah, take it back to ‘big hands’.” Richie grabs his hips, tugging him back in. He knows how Eddie likes to be moved, how he likes to be touched. He knows a lot of what Eddie likes-- as much as he thinks Eddie knows himself. It’s mutual, Eddie knows Richie as well as Richie knows himself, too. He hasn’t exactly had a lot of… he hasn’t had any real steady lovers, no one to get to know him. He’s been burying too much of himself to let himself be known like that. And even when he’s tried, there’s always been something to stop him, the un-memory of Eddie, lodged in his heart, keeping a part of him that he just couldn’t give to anybody else. Eddie, though… Eddie started discovering what gets his rocks off from the start. Eddie had also been mercifully un-shy about telling Richie exactly what he was doing right. 

“I love your big hands.” Eddie’s slide up, from his wrists to his shoulders. “And your sexy arms. And your nice shoulders. You’re so _ big_, Richie. You know how much I like that… and you like it too, don’t you? You like being a big man, for me.”

“Yeah.” He leans in, nuzzling at Eddie’s temple. “Yeah, I like it. Like how _ cute _ you are.”

“You like how cute I am?” And he winds his arms around Richie’s neck, so Richie slides his hands lower, getting a good hold under his thighs. 

“I _ love _ how cute you are.” Richie hefts him up, gets Eddie’s legs wrapped around his waist. “And I _ love _ those sexy legs, Sexy Legs.”

“Think you can carry me all the way to bed?”

“As much as I would love to say yes, I’m forty fucking years old, Sexy Legs.” He gives Eddie’s ass a tap, before returning his hand to just under one thigh. “And if I put my back out, I’m not going to be giving it to you good any time soon.”

“You’ll give it to me good when I need it.” Eddie gently kicks his heel against the back of a leg. “Put me down, I’ll walk. And Richie?”

“Mm?” 

“Do that again? But harder?”

Richie blinks, struggling to think of what exactly it is he’s supposed to be doing harder. Picking him up? Putting him down? Talking about fucking him provided he doesn’t put his back out? What did he do? And then Eddie turns, planting his hands on the counter and sticking his ass out, and Richie realizes.

“H-harder?” He swallows.

“Yeah, let me feel it.”

“I don’t know. Eddie, baby, I don’t know.”

“I know.” He arches his back even more dramatically, but the pat Richie manages to deliver isn’t any firmer than the first had been. Eddie straightens, turning to him. “If you’re really not comfortable, you don’t have to make yourself do it for me.”

“It’s just… you were-- you looked so small and so pale and so-- And you almost died and I almost let you and there was nothing I could do, and I don’t want to roll you in bubblewrap and stash you in my closet, but I want to keep you safe, and I don’t--”

“You don’t want to hurt me.” He nods slowly, pulling Richie into a hug. “And you won’t. And you don’t have to. _ Really_. But… Well, you like getting your hair pulled.”

Richie can’t argue that one. He’d discovered that about himself the first time he went down on Eddie, and he nearly went off early himself. 

“And you know I like when you pick me up and move me around-- when you keep your hands on my hips when I’m riding you, when you help me find the right position, when you hook my legs up over your shoulders… and I mean, you _ know _ why I told you not to wrestle me when we had some of the guys over.”

“... Because you were recovering from a traumatic injury and like forty-eight hours of surgery, and if I got caught up in the camaraderie of hanging with the dudes and tried to wrestle you, you could have been seriously injured?”

“No. Because I got a half-chub from _ arm wrestling _ and I knew if you gave me a taste of the real thing in front of witnesses, all our friends would see my boner, and I’m not into exhibitionism.”

“Wait, really? You never told me you got a half-chub from arm-wrestling!”

“I’m just saying… I like that you’re a big man with big hands, Rich, and I like feeling how strong you are. And I like when you pin me down-- or even just part of me.”

“Like your arm, specifically.”

“Yes, asshole, like my arm.” He leans up to kiss Richie’s chin. “You missed the part where I said I wanted to make out with you?”

“I thought that was a joke. I would have ripped my shirt off in that restaurant if I knew you meant it.”

“You would not have.”

“Dude, I basically do everything you tell me to, sex-wise, so I think if I had known you were serious, I would have taken my shirt off right then and there to get at your lips.”

“You get off on taking good care of me?”

“_Yeah_.”

“You never have to do anything you’re not one hundred percent about, Rich. If spanking is out, you can just give me a little one, like… not a session, just a tiny little tap like before, just like when you’re moving past me in the kitchen and you pat my ass, not even hard. And I will appreciate knowing that you’re giving me everything you can, and I will feel very taken care of.”

“But that’s… It wouldn’t be satisfying, would it?”

“I will be satisfied. I promise.”

“I want to give you everything.” Richie sighs, holding him closer. “I just… this maybe takes some adjustment, or-- I don’t know.”

“We should go to a club. Not tonight, but I mean… we should look into going to a club.”

“What, like a nightclub? Like a gay club?” And he’s out, but Richie’s stomach still clenches at the idea. He hasn’t really done a lot of anything since coming out, he hasn’t been in the public eye since he’d requested a little privacy in the wake of the very personal traumatic shit that had him going back to his hometown. His focus has been on supporting Eddie through his divorce and his lengthy recovery, he’d done some voiceover work just to keep out there and keep making enough money to keep his agent happy while not touring. And then he’d started work on his own material, he and Eddie had stopped kidding themselves and started sleeping together, since they were already sharing their lives in every meaningful way.

So people know he’s gay, but no one’s _ seen _ him being gay. Well, someone saw him buying Eddie’s boring grown-up cereal at a Target and there were a couple of pictures of that, but it’s not really the same. People might have assumed it was his cereal. There were two shots of him in his ratty errands-running sweats, and mostly he got dragged online for dressing that way, but someone on twitter did draw a red circle around the shadow they assumed was the rough outline of his dick and they were kind in their estimation, so… there’s that, he guesses. No one’s taken pictures of him outside of gay clubs or bars or even a gay bookstore. Are there still gay bookstores? Maybe. He hasn’t been to any. 

“I was thinking more like a BDSM club. We don’t have to do anything! Just… maybe if you could see other people, maybe… you would find something you feel comfortable with. Or-- or maybe we don’t even need to do it! Maybe I can just, like… watch other people do it, and then you and I can go home and just do what we know we both like.”

“Okay, that’s… not what I thought you would ever suggest.”

“If you’re not comfortable--”

“It’s not that. I mean, shit, yes, I would love to go to a freaky club with you, have a drink, watch you get worked up, and then take you home and fuck you into the mattress, like that sounds very, very hot. But I am famous.”

“Ohh… shit.”

“Yeah. Like, I know I’m not A-list, but I’ve been in the news lately, enough for people to… you know, like, enough that people might care, and if they take pictures, you’re going to be in them, and… and shit, Eddie, and you’re _ just _ getting settled in at your new job and-- I don’t know, and what if a hat and sunglasses doesn’t cut it?”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Eddie leans up and kisses him, hands at his shoulders. “Richie, it’s going to be fine. Would you go with me, if you could fly under the radar?”

“Yeah. And look, hey… if you can take it, I can take it.”

“Okay, well I’ll think about it, then, and… we’ll see how it shakes out.”

How it shakes out is, Eddie shows up with an armload of clothes bought on his lunch break, and he dresses Richie up, combs and styles his hair, and puts him in his backup glasses-- and since Richie wears his prescription sunglasses when he’s going incognito, and hadn’t had his backups in Derry, had been stuck wearing his old cracked pair the whole time he was in Derry waiting for Eddie to be able to travel, and by the time they got to his place, his new pair had already arrived… well, it means he looks pretty different in his backups. Especially with his hair pushed back from his face with a little styling paste. 

“Am I hot?” He stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t think the style of frames suits him, really, but it’s not a bad look. Not combined with the too-clean shave and the clothing Eddie’s bought for him-- he doesn’t look like himself at all, really. 

“Always.” Eddie leans up to kiss his cheek. 

Black leather pants, boots-- did Eddie have all his measurements written down somewhere? There’s a much sexier jacket than any jacket he’s ever bought for himself, too. Eddie had given him the choice between a red v-neck tee with a _ very _ deep vee or a black tank top. Richie had gone with the v-neck, and it’s… tight. He had kind of assumed something tight would be unflattering, but this looks _ good_. He looks like a guy who gets asked ‘no offense, but has anyone ever told you you look like Richie Tozier?’, which he has mixed feelings about, but like… it works. Eddie adds a fucking magnetic fake earring, as a final touch, pointing out that Richie Tozier doesn’t have a pierced ear. 

“No, but I’m thinking I should.” He jokes, making a show of leering at himself in the mirror. 

“You look good incognito.” 

“Me? Oh, honey, oh baby, I’m not the only one.” And Richie grabs Eddie’s hips at that, pulls him close. 

Eddie, looking a little more relaxed, but still very sexy. _ Tight _ jeans, dark denim hugging his ass and thighs obscenely, cuffed over slip-on sneakers. He’s wearing a band tee he stole out of Richie’s dresser drawer, and a jacket he _ clearly _ bought in Richie’s size. 

“You like it?”

“I like it.” Richie gives his ass a smack just to show how much he appreciates the jeans and borrowed shirt-- rucked up to show said ass off. It’s not a very good smack, but then, that’s why they’re doing this. Either he’ll get comfortable, or he’ll learn that he’s not going to and they can focus on something else. “I’m going to steal that jacket one of these days.”

“Finally, I’ll get to see my man wearing my jacket, without bursting into hysterical laughter. You couldn’t move your arms.”

“Yeah, but I fit into it.”

“It wasn’t sexy.”

“Yeah, but I fit into it.” Richie repeats.

They go to the place Eddie had researched, and as far as Richie can tell, no one photographs them, or even really looks at him twice. He’s a little worried about getting in without a fuss, but they do, they _ do_, and then they’re in, and it’s…

It is and isn’t what he’d imagined. There are definitely a lot of people in leather, but it’s not scary, not really. They stick close to each other as they head to the bar, and Richie gets Eddie a glass of prosecco and gets himself a coke. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s driving or because he’s uncomfortably aware now of how much he drank when he’d been living without his memories, dealing with a missing piece of himself. Not enough for people in the stand-up comedy world to call it a problem, but that’s not saying much. 

People do look at them, inside, but they don’t double take at his face or linger too long like they’re trying to figure out how they know him, they take him in as a whole-- they take him-and-Eddie in as a whole. Someone raises a glass towards them in a sort of distant toast, with a flash of a friendly smile. 

They move through the place, Richie’s hand at the small of Eddie’s back, until they find a place where they can sit and drink, situated between two other couples. 

One of the couples, the submissive partner is kneeling on the floor at his Dom’s feet, having his hair petted. They’re wearing normal enough clothes, nice, well-fitted, but not fetish-y-- well, except for the sub’s collar, baby blue leather. Brings out his eyes, Richie guesses.

Eddie would look _ good _ like that-- in brown leather, or maybe black or red, he’d look good in basically anything. He’d look good with that thick, supple band around his throat, with the edge of a hickey just visible above or below it… he has such a sensitive throat and he does love feeling Richie nibbling and sucking on him, but he hates when he has to worry about marks… Not that he’d wear a collar out to keep his hickeys covered.

The other couple seems a bit edgier, a bit more like they really do all this stuff, stuff Richie can’t even think about, not if he doesn’t want to be ill.

“New?” The edgier Dom asks. He’s maybe just a couple years older than Richie is, or a couple years younger and he gets a lot of sun. Despite the fact that he’s got a shirtless man in a gimp mask leashed and perched in his lap and he’s wearing leather chaps and a shirt open to the fucking waist, when he speaks, it’s relaxed and friendly. “Yeah, I was new to all this once. Takes getting used to, I know.”

“Well… he wanted to come.” He jerks his head to Eddie. “And I can’t say no to that face.”

He’s relieved when no one makes any proper introductions, no names. 

“We’re just here to watch, tonight.” Eddie snuggles up to Richie’s side. “Trying to convince this one that it’s safe. I mean-- it is, isn’t it?”

Richie can hear his nerves. They’re in a fairly quiet corner, but there are other corners, and there’s a lot going on. Most of it is stuff he doesn’t see himself doing to Eddie, but not because it’s too horrible, exactly. Like, there’s a guy hanging from the ceiling in a complicated rope harness, which looks cool but he doesn’t think he could get something like that _ right_, or there’s someone in a ball gag and there’s no inherent turn-off to it, but the idea of keeping Eddie from talking just feels wrong. 

“I mean, it depends on what you go for, I suppose, but on the whole. If you were into serious… body modification, you know, I’d suggest going to a professional instead of doing it at home, but… yeah, most anything two people can be into can be done safely.”

There’s a muffled sound from behind the gimp mask which might be ‘master’, a little petulant, and Richie watches the man take a moment to coo over his sub and give his thigh a sharp smack at the same time. 

“I just kind of… want to understand it. Know what goes into it all. I mean…” He glances back to Eddie. “I just want to get everything right, I guess? I just want to get it, so I can give-- I mean I don’t know how we fit into all of _ this_. But I want…”

His hand curls against Eddie’s jaw and Eddie leans into it. Relaxes into it, and that sends a jolt through Richie. Back in Derry, he hadn’t quite believed either of them would ever relax again, not fully. Especially not Eddie. And now, he’s the reason Eddie is so relaxed, the reason for his loose posture and his sigh, for the way his eyes flutter closed.

“Puppy, c’mere.” The other Dom pats his knee, the sub in the collar moving to rest his folded arms in his lap, and his chin on his arms. “Good boy. You, uh, you wanna talk about how it makes you feel?”

“Good.” He sighs. “Safe. I just… everything gets so _ hard _ sometimes, and… I get worried about so _ much _ out there, and then… I can stop worrying.”

“Good boy.” His Dom repeats, picking up a drink and tilting it to his lips for a little taste. Still stroking through his hair. 

“About the same story.” The other Dom nods. “He’s high strung, out there. Had a high-pressure job and… fucking issues, but who doesn’t? Asked me to help him relax, and suddenly I’m learning to do interesting things with rope, doling out regular Saturday night spankings, figuring out aftercare…”

“Was it hard? I mean, like… did he ask you to do things you were nervous about?”

“Not so much the way you’d think. There’s that weird little thrill the first time you realize something is your thing, and there are things that aren’t my thing, but seeing him get his thing still does it for me. And he feels safe enough to be vulnerable with me and that’s a gift.”

Richie nods. That part he feels-- he and Eddie have been relearning how to do that, yeah. Learning how to be open in new ways, too. 

“It’s weird at first.” The Dom on his other side adds. “Everything’s weird at first, though, I mean even vanilla sex is weird the first time you try doing it, because it’s… new, it’s new and you’re figuring out what, uh, does it for you. But… I have someone in my life who I want to keep safe and happy, and maybe for us that means he has a collar and I give him treats for being good and all I really have to do, honestly, is let him love me. And it stops feeling weird. And now it’s just, you know, if work is hard or if there’s a stressful phone call with the folks, or just a rough day for any reason, we have this thing that’s just ours, and doing it…”

“The rest of the world goes away.” His sub finishes, voice dreamy. “Nothing else is important… and you take care of me.”

“That’s right.” He tilts the glass for him again, smile indulgent. 

“I had reservations about the rougher stuff early on, with mine, you know… there’s stuff it’s natural to have reservations about. But we’d known each other long enough and well enough that… I mean, I knew what he could take, just from… you know. Playful wrestling matches and messing about, knew he wasn’t delicate as he looked, and the more he talked about it, the easier it seemed. It’s not that different.”

“See?” Eddie smiles, and worms his way into Richie’s lap. “You know what I can take.”

“Oh, I know what you can take.” Richie snorts, and then his expression softens a little from that moment of humor, his hand moves to rest over the scar on Eddie’s chest. “You can take a lot worse than I can give. It’s just…”

“I know.” Eddie’s hand covers his. “I’m not asking you to stab me, you’re not going to break anything. You’re not even going to break the skin. I have spent too much of my life wrapped in cotton wool, I have spent too much of my life letting someone else make me afraid. And even when we were kids, you… you’d roughhouse around with me and I’d feel normal, or better than normal. I want… I want to be in control of whether or not I’m in pain, or what kind of pain I’m in-- or, not ‘pain’, but… I mean, maybe a little pain. That’s not the point. The point is, I’ve never been in control of my life and it’s terrifying and it’s… it’s good, but it’s-- You are the person I trust, to be in control of my life _ with _me. Because I know if I feel lost or panicked and I can’t make my own choices, you’ll have my back. And I know if I ask you to make me feel something, you’ll make me feel the way I want to feel, and if I tell you it’s too much, you’ll stop. And you’ll take care of me, the way I actually need. Because I know you don’t want to control me, but if I’m not in control of myself, you can catch me, just like I’ll be there to take care of you.”

Richie nods, feeling a little overwhelmed. 

“If you never want to do anything painful, we can find something else.”

“No-- I mean, when you put it that way… You show me the way to go, baby, and I’ll catch you. Just show me the way to go. Hey… we already have a safeword, so…”

Eddie blinks at him, and then bursts out laughing, tucking his head in against the curve of Richie’s neck. “I guess we do, yeah. Okay, well if you ever do anything I’m not super into, I’ll beep you. You think you can do this?”

“I think I can try, if you don’t mind if I’m like… If I super suck at it for now.”

“You won’t suck. You’ll rock.”

“Babe, that’s so sappy.” He teases. “You want me to get you a collar? You want me to learn to tie you up? You want to learn to tie me up? We can take turns. I’m down to take turns.”

“Yeah?” Eddie trails fingertips up his chest. “Well, maybe I will. Tie you to the bed and ride you sometime, you’d like that?”

  
The noise Richie makes at that is _ embarrassing_.


	2. You Make Me Feel Like I am Whole Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie gets another bright idea, and Richie keeps on doing his best to please.

Eddie gets the bright idea to ask about workshops, for something a little more focused and a little less overwhelming than the club. They both agree that they do _ not _ want the advanced ropework course, waxplay workshop, or the safe medical kink thing. 

There’s one, though… Richie makes fun of the fact that they have to go into the back room of a metaphysical bookshop, but at the same time, walking into a metaphysical bookshop in Malibu is something he can do without wearing a disguise. 

‘Your Spiritual Connection- BDSM, Your Partner, and You: A Beginner’s Course’, that’s what that one had been called, and he’d RSVP’d and everything, vented his own nerves and let Richie reassure him, then Richie had gotten all of his mockery out, and now here they are.

There aren’t any straight people, which is a surprise relief. Mostly men, one lesbian couple that Richie likes immediately-- to be fair, he thinks he likes them immediately because one of them is tall and awkward-looking with thick glasses and short dark hair, and the other is perfectly polished and put together, with big brown eyes and a general vibe of being utterly ruthless as necessary, and he just thinks they look cute together, whatever. Like if he and Eddie were thirty year old lesbians, that would be them, he guesses. 

There’s another couple about that age, both of them very pretty, the kind of pretty that would make him self-conscious if he was thirty, but which he thinks he can accept at forty because it would be silly to hold himself up against them. And then there’s another couple about his and Eddie’s age, which is also kind of comforting. To not be the only forty-ish guys who are just starting to get into this kind of thing. There’s a definite size difference between them, too, which Richie can’t help feeling some kind of way about. The instructors themselves might be closer to a well-preserved fifty, but like… LA fifty, which is any other city’s forty, and the instructing Dom is named Tony, that’s how one of the young women greets him, but there aren’t introductions, otherwise. He isn’t asked or expected to give his name.

“I don’t want to get, you know… silly about things.” Tony says to start them off, motioning to the semi-circle of chairs and low ottomans and cushions on the floor, for everyone to settle how they like. 

Richie takes a chair, and Eddie surprises him by pulling a little ottoman up between his legs, sitting there and leaning back against him. Both women are in chairs, as are the younger men, but the other couple about their age, one takes a chair and the other takes a pillow on the floor at his feet, settled into a position very similar to Eddie’s, except with a flat cushion instead of a footstool, he can’t quite lean his head back against his partner’s abdomen, instead leans against one thigh. 

Tony’s partner emerges from behind a dressing screen in a pair of shorts and an undershirt that allow him some modesty for the demonstrations, or allows everyone else his modesty, without just being regular clothes. 

“The spiritual connection, you know… that’s just an aspect of your relationship.” Tony continues, drawing a collar out of his pocket. “And if you don’t want to think of it as ‘spiritual’ the way someone else might think of ‘spiritual’, that’s fine, it just means the bond you have, and the way your connection can be heightened by doing that thing that we do. Communication is really vital, not just for beginners-- every moment of every scene we’re in, and you know, my little pet and I have been doing this a long time-- every moment, we’re in communication. When we started out, it meant a lot of talking. Over the years we’ve done this, we’ve learned to read each other on other levels, but for the purposes of demonstration, we’re going to be communicating verbally. Pet?”

“Yes?”

“Would you like your collar on now, or no?”

“Please.” He nods, and Richie watches the way he relaxes when it’s on, the way a definite change sweeps over his face. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiles, a smile not so different from the besotted look that Richie often feels creeping across his own face. Then he turns back to the rest of them. “We’re going to touch on some basics, and everyone’s going to get the chance to try some different things out and ask questions, but before we start, I’d just like to know what you all hope to get out of today.”

He starts at the end with the girls, and Richie tries to pay attention to them and not just to Eddie between his thighs, using them like the arms of an armchair and resting against him.

“Annie suggested it.” The taller of the two shrugs, her voice soft and low, a little shy. “And I didn’t think it would hurt to learn to be more spiritually connected. Just in general.”

“And I thought Maddy would like it. We haven’t really played with much, but…” The shorter girl says-- Annie, he guesses, and will he have to give his name? “Since the workshop was going to happen right in the bookshop, and… It wouldn’t hurt to see what we like. We’re settling into our new place and everything’s hectic and we’re both stressed. And I don’t have answers for the future, but… if I can take care of her in the present, then I don’t have to stress. And neither does she.”

They reach out to each other, squeezing hands, and Richie realizes it’s come to him and Eddie.

“Oh-- um, that-- that makes sense to me, actually. Yeah, um… my boyfriend just _ asked_. I mean, like, he asked me about spanking and I wasn’t sure, and he said what if we learn more about it, and… he’s the boss. Oh, unless I’m supposed to be the boss. I’m way out of my depth, man.”

Eddie laughs, reaching up for him and just sort of patting at his arm. 

“That’s how we got here. I… The past is complicated, for me. Before my partner, I was in a relationship that was… not great. I mean, not-- Just, I wasn’t honest about my needs or… who I am, and so… you know, no one was getting their needs met in a healthy way, I guess. And… maybe it’s part of a pattern that I’m ready to break. Now I’m with someone I do have a deep connection to, and I want _ something_. And it’s not like the normal couple stuff we do isn’t enough, because it’s not about ‘enough’. It’s like… I really want to move away from the things I was afraid of my whole life and embrace feeling things. Being vulnerable and emotionally open and letting myself feel pain? But--”

“But because it’s your choice.” Richie nods. He’s been thinking about what Eddie said at the club, a lot. “Because you want to ask for it and… you want to get what you ask for. And I want to give you what you ask for. And… Yeah, I think I also just want to learn how to be way more vulnerable. At some point I really slammed the walls up in place around myself, and-- see, the two of us were-- when we were kids, he was my first love, and sometimes I think I remember that we used to know how to be vulnerable in a way that it’s hard to be as adults. You pick up all these coping mechanisms, and we needed them, but… I never want to close myself off from him. And I need my defenses but… not with each other. And when people talk about this stuff, like, people who are serious about it… I guess it just sounds like… Yeah.”

“Yeah.” Eddie agrees. “We have a lot to make up for, from when we lost each other, when we were kids, and a lot of it is just wanting the intimacy. But, I mean, _ look _ at him. I really like when he picks me up and just _ moves _ me.”

The thirty year old with the pretty lips laughs at that, too, his arm slung around the back of his boyfriend’s chair. Actually, Richie thinks, they both have pretty lips. He’s going to have to keep reminding himself not to try to measure himself up against anyone else’s lips. Eddie is happy with him the way he is, he doesn’t need to be pretty.

“We’ve done some, like… tantric sex stuff.” The pretty-lipped thirty year old says, as the focus moves down the line. “Thought we’d come see what kind of spiritual connection BDSM offered. Get inventive with some rope sometime.”

“I don’t know if either of us is-- If the dominance and submission part is…” His partner stammers.

“If dominance and submission isn’t right for you, that’s an optional part of the experience. There are different kids of power exchange, and plenty of people who come together as equals to engage in kinks.” Tony assures him-- and assures Richie a little while he’s at it. “Engaging together still opens up a world of trust and intimacy, regardless of whether you feel like defined roles suit you. Maybe what feels right is taking turns, or staging an imagined struggle for dominance that allows you to push against each other, or just playing those roles in a non-standard way-- a submissive top, or a Dominant with a masochistic streak. Or maybe you just want to explore ritualized service to each other as a way of expressing your devotion. There’s no wrong way to do this so long as everyone likes what’s being done to them.”

“My, uh, my guy…” The man about Richie’s age and height buries a hand in his much more delicate partner’s hair. “It’s hard to say, really. Just that… he’s the softest, kindest, sweetest thing you ever met, with the worst anxiety.”

“A friend recommended it. Bon-bondage.” His guy blushes and looks down at the floor. “Well, it was a joke when he said it, but… it’s true, isn’t it? And… I like… I like a few things that make me think, maybe.”

“Yeah?”

“Like how I felt the first time you picked me up… and how you always used to make me feel before we got together, when you’d tease me.” He says, looking up, wide-eyed, at his partner. “It feels like I already know what it would be like, how close we-- The way we’re close when you tease, or when you take care of me. There’s something to it. So I’d like to deepen it.”

Yeah, okay. So Richie is starting to see more and more of the point of… all of this.

“Yeah. That.” The taller man nods, with a besotted look that Richie has _ definitely _ seen in photos of him and Eddie together. Then he waggles his eyebrows, grinning. “And bondage is probably cheaper than therapy. A lot more fun.”

“Great.” Tony claps his hands together. “Well, why don’t we start by talking about restraints? Since I’m hearing some general interest in the bondage side of things. Now, there’s a collar-- you can see my Pet’s got a nice, simple model, single O-ring at the front, but you can get collars with multiple rings for attaching restraints to. A collar can be a lot of things to different people-- for a committed couple, a collar can be like a wedding ring, but it can also be something used for play, for attaching a lead to, or connecting to other restraints, or a posture collar can be used to restrain the neck. We haven’t got one of those that I can show you, I’m afraid, but I will be demonstrating how I use _ this _ collar in-scene to be able to offer control and restraint. Now...”

He goes to where he has his various props stashed, bringing out a pair of thick leather cuffs, lined with fake fur, and he fastens those around his sub’s wrists. There’s a short little connector that comes up from between those to the O-ring at the front of his collar, so that he can’t lower his hands any further than just under his chin-- not that he seems to want to. He looks downright blissful, with his chin resting on his folded hands, cuffs snug but not tight around his wrists.

“You want to be careful with how tight things are. With restraints like these, I slip a couple fingers in to make sure I’m not going too tight. Pet?”

“Personally, I like a set of restraints that has a furry lining or some soft padding-- it’s more comfortable for long-term wear, but… it feels _ closer_, without being tight. So if you like the feeling of something close-fitting, you might like a softer restraint that has some give to it.”

“And I like the look of a leather band.” Tony picks right back up, parading his sub around the semi-circle showing off not only what he’s wearing, but another couple of pairs-- one unlined, one padded, and one set of metal handcuffs. “We don’t really use the metal cuffs for long-term restraint, it’s more a roleplay prop to me. If I want him to relax all trussed up, I pick one of the softer ones. Some like the way a metal cuff feels, though, it’s all personal taste. Go ahead and handle those if you like.”

Eddie is very reluctant to touch, when the cuffs reach them, and Richie nudges him. 

“This was your idea. Come on, I’m sure they’re… sanitary.”

“Very. These are specifically workshop pairs that we take around, they’ve never been to the bedroom, and they do get sanitized.”

“What do you think?” Eddie asks, taking one pair and experimentally wrapping the leather band around his wrist, before doing the same to Richie’s. 

“If you like it.” He nods. “I’m down to try.”

“Yeah, but do you think it’s sexy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

"Well I’m not going to buy the stuff if you don’t think it’s sexy.” Eddie huffs. 

“I don’t know yet. If you think it’s sexy, then you should.” He says, as Tony-and-Pet move on to the last two couples. “And I’ll learn how I feel. I don’t think it’s the opposite of sexy, I just don’t know.”

Maybe rope would be sexier? He likes the way the cuff looks against Eddie’s wrist, but maybe he just thinks Eddie looks hot with a wrist cuff, like… jewelry, and if he wore one as a fashion thing it would do just as much for him. As for himself… maybe the rope, yeah. He’s definitely in favor of Eddie tying him to the bed and riding him, but it’s not about any specific restraint, he’s not picturing how Eddie ties him up, he’s picturing Eddie getting all smug and seductive and possessive, and how hot it looks when he’s on top, when he gets all sweaty and his dick bounces up to smack against his stomach every time he drives himself down hard onto him… 

He likes the idea of letting Eddie tie him down and take what he wants. He likes the idea of tying him up and watching him squirm, too, but he doesn’t know if he has it in him to tease him as much as he wants. He doesn’t know how much Eddie will want. He knows he’d look cute, tied up, begging, but if the point is to have to beg, how long can he tease him without just giving him what he wants? He likes teasing him, but he’s usually pretty quick to give in once Eddie actually asks-- it’s only when he’s too proud to even ask that Richie enjoys teasing him, likes watching that cool facade crumble, lives for the moment when Eddie admits he wants the attention and the pet names and everything, that he needs Richie as much as Richie needs him and he’s done playing. It wouldn’t be fun to hold out on him if he was really asking for it.

There are other straps and harnesses and bits that can hook onto each other, places that the wrist cuffs being shown off can connect to keep hands bound at the center of the chest or down at the sides, wrists to thigh cuffs-- or way down, hooked to ankle cuffs. Richie doesn’t feel any particular twinge of desire at the positions possible, even when he imagines doing it with Eddie, not like the flicker of interest when they explain how easy it is to use various bits and pieces connected to the cuffs to tie your partner to the bed. Most importantly, how you can tie someone down to the mattress itself if you have a sleek, modern headboard with no handy places to tie someone to, which they do, because Eddie had liked the padded headboard. 

“Now, since we’re running a workshop, he’s going to stay lucid for me for now. Normally the goal when we do these things is subspace. It’s not something that happens for everyone, and that’s fine-- definitely not something you need to worry about as beginners finding your legs. Some people just don’t get that full altered state, but still feel a deeper connection to their partner, or a reduction in stress. But some people do get a bit drunk on it-- Pet?”

“I find it difficult not to, actually.” He nods. “It’s, erm-- but it’s not like the kind of subspace that other submissives I know get from intense physical sessions. It’s more of a… it’s a pull, it’s a combination of feelings. The irresistible urge to be good and to please him, and then the total trust that we’ve built over the years, where I feel like I can let go completely when he has me. It’s a warm, floaty feeling, sometimes there’s a physical tingling sensation, other times it’s entirely mental and emotional. And of course there’s the feedback loop that comes from desiring more closeness, and then feeling overwhelmed by it when I get it.”

“Mm. What it looks like from the outside is-- well, it can vary, but it looks a bit like a hypnotic trance, often, or a few drinks too many. Sometimes it’s difficult to speak, so if your partner goes into that state and isn’t able to answer questions, you’re going to need to monitor them very carefully. Ideally, they’re not going to need to safeword, but when you’re starting out with new things, it’s important to be able to. Pet, what’s your safeword?”

“Edelweiss.”

“Good, thank you.” He drops a kiss to his partner’s temple, and Richie tunes out a little during the rest of the talk about safewording. 

He and Eddie have that part down, he’s already trained to back off when beeped-- hell, he’s already trained to _ not _ back off just because Eddie says things like ‘knock it off’ and ‘I hate when you do that’, because he’s always kind of known it wasn’t true, but it was the weird little ritual they’d constructed as kids to allow the teasing to happen, where Eddie couldn’t just admit to craving his attention, to liking having his hair messed with or his cheek pinched and poked at, let alone pet names. Which, yeah, he did a little of with everyone, but he and Eddie had always been different. Because Eddie had _ had _ that safeword and could end the game at any time and instead he shoved and shrieked and tacitly encouraged Richie to keep going. They hadn’t known what a fucking safeword was, but that’s what it’s always been. And it’s always been a different game with Eddie. 

Aftercare is mentioned, and dropping, with the promise that they’d come back to those things, so he doesn’t worry he’s missed much, when the safeword talk comes to a close.

Then the hanks of rope get brought out, which apparently come with the workshop’s pretty minimal fee, and there are _ options_. They’re all gathered around the table where all the different types are spread out, and to one side the girls are giggling together, going over the different colors, and to the other side, one of the guys is cracking a joke about how this is a lot nicer than grabbing rope out of the barn when they’re up visiting someone’s ranch-- some friend or relative he names-- and down at the end the slight older man is blushing red while his partner whispers to him, and Richie just feels overwhelmed.

“What am I looking at?” He asks, as Eddie pokes through the assortment laid out before them. “Like… what should I be choosing?”

“Okay, well, just for future if you’re buying more rope, you never want something slippery, because your knots could tighten.” Tony tells him. “When we do this we try to have a mix of different natural and synthetic options for different tastes. Some people like a little rough texture, others prefer something softer.”

“Softer.” Richie says. He’s not sure if he means on himself or on Eddie or what, but soft sounds a lot more pleasant than rough. The color options at least are purely cosmetic, but some of the bundles being offered up are thicker than others. “And does, uh, size matter?”

“Size matters.” Tony chuckles. “If you get into suspension bondage in future, you want a thicker rope-- I would, anyway. A thicker rope bites in less, and can feel a bit more secure, but it’s harder to work with if you don’t have experience. Easier to get a good knot tied with something a little narrower. For what we’re doing today, we’re just going to do a couple very simple ties, I’d suggest something like this. Good beginner rope, softer than a lot of the others. You can throw it in the washing machine if it starts getting sweaty, you can even toss it in the dryer if you don’t have a clothesline. That’s a big plus with some of the natural ropes, they’re easy to keep nice.”

He shows Richie one of the hanks of rope. Red, which he likes-- they’re not the only ones to pick red, he figures it’s kind of a basic ‘sexy’ color for this sort of thing. Eddie feels it out and nods approvingly.

“We’re _ not _ getting anything that can’t be washed.” He adds, to absolutely no surprise. 

It’s kind of fun, following along with the instructor-and-subject to wind the rope around Eddie into a harness, to get his arms bound behind his back. He’s not _ great _ at it, but Tony’s talking about comfort for long-term bondage and Eddie’s relaxed, and the mood in the room is good-- everyone is kind of giggling and learning, and Richie’s not the only one to have to re-do a step once in a while. And they’re not the only couple who switches off, because it’s Eddie who learns to weave a heart into the cuffs he creates around Richie’s thighs, who binds his wrists to them the way they’d seen done with leather cuffs. And it’s… it’s a little sexy. Like, he doesn’t get a hard-on in the middle of class, which is nice, but he likes the way Eddie concentrates, and the way his hands rest gently on his thighs as he admires his handiwork, and he likes the thought that they can try this at home, maybe naked, and they can see how it goes. 

There’s a running monologue about trust when there aren’t instructions, and Richie gets that, he guesses, but then… the trust between them is built on something a lot bigger and weirder than tying each other up. He doesn’t think any of the others would really understand some of what he and Eddie have trusted each other through, though he does think if he said they’d known each other since they were kids and loved each other from the start, and been parted and reunited and nearly lost each other, people would kind of get it.

Tony says something about some kind of special shears for getting out of the ropes in the hurry in case of emergency, and Eddie and one of the younger men both pipe up to say they already own a pair.

“We do?”

“In the first aid kit.” Eddie stares at him. “You don’t know where everything in the first aid kit is? In the big first aid kit in the linen closet, we have a pair of shears with a flat bottom that can slide safely against the skin, so that if one of us ever had to be cut out of our clothing in an emergency we could do so safely? Okay, you need to know this!”

“Right, but is that likely?”

“It’s for emergencies, you can’t plan an emergency based on what’s ‘likely’, Richie.” He huffs, deftly untying him and winding the rope back up into a neat hank. Most of the others undo the ropes and wind them back up, but the couple on the end, the other forty-ish couple, they’ve elected to keep the ropes in place, the slight submissive relaxed with his arms bound behind his back and his partner helping him to get back down onto his cushion on the floor. Richie finds himself briefly distracted, mostly by the thought that he could totally move a bound Eddie around, and that more than anything else has his interest.

The workshop is moving onto sensory and impact play, and Richie knows impact play, that’s spanking, that’s what Eddie wants to try for real… and he’s still nervous about it. He does his best to take in tips about how to play with sensory deprivation, with touch and with temperature and with feeding little tastes, or running different textures over the skin. How sensory play can be used to tease, but also to reward.

“That’s the thing, rewarding your partner isn’t just something that happens when a scene is over. Now, aftercare is-- I mean, I think it’s vital. Even if my partner didn’t need it, I would need to be able to _ give _ that, and we’re definitely going to go over aftercare, but care’s not just for after.” Tony says, massaging his kneeling sub’s scalp as he speaks. “If you’re in scene and your partner is really pleasing you, you should feel free to express that. You don’t have to be a total stoic. Even if you’re doing a scene that’s structured around being a sterner Dom, or giving a punishment, if your sub is taking that punishment well, you know… I see a lot of inexperienced Doms who worry that this sort of thing damages the air of authority, or that it’s breaking character somehow, but if your instinct is to give love in the moment, I don’t think that’s something to fight-- whether it’s because you’re picking up on your partner’s need to please you and be reassured, or because it’s your own need to say ‘hey, you’re being so good for me, I see you, I value you’, you can be in charge, you can even be mean if that’s what you like, and still take a moment to reward your partner. My pet likes me mean sometimes and I have a lot of fun doing it-- if he lets me know he wants to be shoved around a little more, I’m very happy to oblige, but if he makes me happy, I can be rough and controlling and still drop in a little reward. The more that you experiment, the more you’ll learn what’s effective for you. What you each need to give and receive, and what kind of sensory experience you enjoy the most.”

_ Reward_. Yeah, okay. He likes that, he thinks. He thinks about the bag of dark chocolate-covered dried cherries that Eddie keeps in the back of the pantry, how he pours himself a little handful on hard days, and he thinks about hand-feeding those to him while he lounges around wearing his sleep mask, the one he wears on long flights. He thinks about switching places and leaning his head back into Eddie’s lap to have his hair brushed. Rewards, that sounds nice. 

“All right, the moment a couple of you have been waiting for.” Tony says, snapping Richie out of the thought of rewarding and being rewarded with sensory pleasure. “We’re going to talk about spanking.”

And maybe he could do this, the spanking thing, if he could also do something else, something soft-- to Eddie, maybe the spanking _ is _ the reward, but for Richie, there could be another thing, a gentler thing. Even just words of love and the promise of some intensive aftercare, and he could do this. He will do this.

“There are different ways you can go about a spanking session, and there’s a lot of room for personal preference. I like to put my pet across my lap for it, more often than not-- more points of physical connection, more closeness. An over-the-knee spanking-- or over a piece of furniture-- can be a little more painful than standing or lying flat, but there are a lot of factors beyond position. Pet?”

“Well, I do like being in your lap the most.” He agrees readily. “But I like to be able to feel it, and we’ve built up a lot of experience together. Natural, ah, cushioning is a factor, and of course how much force gets put into it, what’s doing the striking, and then how relaxed the area being struck is.”

“And what do you like? How do different things feel from your end?”

“I like an open palm. The personal touch.” He smiles, on the verge of a chuckle. “We both do, don’t we? But we’ve tested things out-- I do like the riding crop once or twice across the back of the thighs when I’m craving a little extra sting, more than I like the wooden paddle with the holes. I don’t personally enjoy a wooden paddle at all. We have a little leather paddle that makes a nice sound, and it’s a bit softer than a wooden paddle while still providing a sting, so if that’s something you like to feel, if you like a nice sharp, light smack rather than a heavier impact, that’s what I’d suggest. You really feel how firm and heavy a wooden paddle is, I think, it’s different. Some prefer it. The most important thing in starting out is that you and your partner not go too hard until you’ve learned your limits, and that you understand what you want to get out of a spanking. I sometimes enjoy a little extra sting or a lingering ache, but what I really _ need _ is to feel that my partner is in control and I’m not. I want to be in a position of powerlessness-- where it’s not necessarily a punishment, just an experience that he gives me when I put him in power over me. I trust him to give me what I need, even if I don’t know what I need. I can always ask for a bit more if I’m in the mood, but…”

“You definitely want to start with an open hand, fingers together. You want to be able to feel for yourself how hard you’re going. And I’d suggest that before you take an implement to someone else, you try it on yourself if possible, to get a sense for how it feels. If this is your first time, nothing to be nervous about-- a lot of people try spanking out, even if they never engage in any other kinks. We’re going to go over how to have a safe, fun time. Pet, up against the wall.”

He complies, hands against the wall, backside presented, and Tony moves to stand so that the group has a clear enough view. 

“Feel free to move in closer any time you need to. You want to spend some time getting to know each other, with this. Find a relaxed position your partner is comfortable in-- for a first time with a longer session, I recommend lying facedown on the bed, or across your lap on a bed or couch, rather than over your knee on a chair, so that your sub can relax fully. If discipline is a big draw for you, you might decide you prefer standing against the wall, keeping the position you’re ordered to take, or you might like the way being over your partner’s knee feels more punishing, but whenever you’re trying something new, it’s just best to ease into it.” He says, kneading gently up the back of a thigh, and then over one ass cheek.

“You might find different positions work if you like roleplaying, depending on how you want to play it.” His sub adds. 

“Take your time, warm up together-- especially as beginners, when it’s so important to establish your comfort zone and to learn what you like. Certainly there are experienced couples out there who get right to it when they know what they want and what they like, but I really think you lose something when you skip the warm-up. After all, you’re sharing something special, you’re _ giving _ something special, both of you are. You’re giving your trust, you’re giving an experience… you’re taking time to connect to each other, so why rob yourself of more time to connect? Pet, how’s it feel?”

“Lovely, thank you.”

“Just getting the blood flowing, the nerves responding… getting primed and ready. If you roleplay, if you want your scene to get straight to the spanking, you can take some time beforehand to just touch and connect while you talk over how you want everything to go. Or you can use this opportunity to make sure you’re both still on the same page.” He runs his hand up his sub’s back, then back down to give him a squeeze. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“I’m ready. Unless there are any questions before we start.”

Richie raises his hand. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to or not, and he feels like an idiot doing it, but he’d feel like an idiot blurting something out anyway.

“Shoot.” Tony motions to him.

“Well-- I mean, maybe it’s not a question, exactly. Uh, just… my boyfriend wants to do this. I mean, he wants me to do this to him. And I want to! I guess I kind of introduced myself with that, but I mean-- well, when I said I wasn’t sure, I guess I meant the idea of hurting him kind of scares the hell out of me?”

“Well, we’re going to go over how you can avoid doing any damage-- why don’t you come in closer. That goes for anyone who wants to try this out, you can move in. Part of it is taking it slow as you learn your limits together. You can always smack yourself to gauge what it feels like, before you start on someone else, but when you’re using an open palm, you’re going to feel the impact, too, you’re going to get sore as your partner does, you’re going to better know when it verges on too much.”

Eddie drags him in close to watch. One other couple pulls up close as well, the couple with the height difference. Richie finds himself distracted from the instruction being offered as he watches the taller man move a chair over, watches how easily he moves his partner to settle across his lap.

“Do you want to just try a little now, while we’re here?” Eddie toys with the front of Richie’s shirt a little, effectively capturing his attention. 

“Oh-- uh, okay.” He nods, watching as Eddie takes up a similar position against the wall. “It’s a little weird groping you in public.”

“Oh, please, like you don’t love staking a claim on me.” He wiggles his ass, grinning over his shoulder at him. 

“You’re a menace.” Richie accuses, but he strokes a hand up from the back of one thigh, over the swell of his ass and across the small of his back, then down to his other thigh. He keeps his touch gentle, and tries to relax, but at least Eddie seems like he actually has no trouble relaxing at all. 

“Whether you’re using an implement or your hand, you want to keep your strikes spread out instead of focused in just one area. You definitely want to avoid any blows near the kidneys, you want to stick to where the padding is. If you want variety, you go lower, down across the back of the thigh, not higher.” Tony says, before he gives his partner a sharp smack. “How’s that?”

“That’s good.” His sub sighs, head dropping down to rest against one arm, back arching. “Go on, more

Richie takes a little more time just touching. It feels oddly un-sexy, under the circumstances, but it doesn’t feel _ bad_. It feels _ nice_, in a way he has trouble defining for himself, just touching Eddie intimately, not for sex but as part of this. This thing he doesn’t half understand, yet, but he’s rapidly getting a handle on it. 

“Now.” Eddie sighs. “Rich, I’m ready, come on.”

He gives him a swat, which is to say it’s about the same as the one in the kitchen, the kind of gentle in-passing sort of love tap he sometimes gives Eddie’s ass when he’s walking behind him. 

“You want to try something a little harder than that?” 

“I don’t really know.” He shrugs. “I don’t-- I know! But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Aww.” Eddie pouts, reaching back to pat his cheek, and they both laugh a little. That makes it easier, at least, the laughing. “You won’t. Come on, give me just a little bit more and we can call it a day.”

“You’re doing good.” Tony reassures him. “You’re not going to do any real harm here. You’re just going to find your mutual comfort zone. If it doesn’t hurt your hand, it’s not hurting him-- and if it’s not what he wanted, he can tell you, and you can fix it. Right now, all you need to do is show yourself that you _ can _, and that’s something you can build on later, at the pace that feels right. Your pace doesn’t have to be anyone else’s, either. You’ve got as much right to your boundaries, and to stop a scene if it’s more than you’re comfortable with, but you said this was something you wanted to learn to give. Baby steps is just fine, needing time, needing breaks, that’s all normal.”

“Normal. Great, great. Normal.” Richie nods. 

“You’re taking a lot in today, and your first concern sounds like it’s your partner, and that’s all that can be asked of you. And when you’re deep in a scene, it’s going to be important to prioritize his safety and well-being above what he might want, but when he’s here communicating openly with you, that’s the time to trust that he knows himself well enough to tell you what he needs, and to not ask for more than he can take. Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You take your time, then, and pay attention to yourself, and you’ll get where you need to go.” Tony pats his shoulder, before turning back to his sub. “All right, Pet, you’re off the clock. Go on and let go, I’ve got you now.”

“Rich…” Eddie’s voice is soft, as he turns, looping his arms around Richie’s neck, making the rest of the room seem a lot less interesting. “Hey, look… I don’t expect you to go from zero to sixty here. I’m really glad you came to do this with me. You know you’re not going to break me, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just… fuckin-- I don’t know.”

“Traumatized?”

“Maybe a little.”

“You’re a good boyfriend.” Eddie tugs him in closer, winds his fingers through Richie’s hair and guides him down to rest their foreheads together. “I know it makes you nervous right now, but I think if you try it… it’s just going to show you I’m okay now and I can take a little rough handling, and I think ultimately you’re going to feel better.”

“You think so?” He gives Eddie’s ass a friendly squeeze. 

“Yeah. I can take a lot, Rich. And I really think if I prove it to you, you’re going to breathe easier about everything else. We both can. I’m _ here_. I’m alive. I’m doing really well, and I know you see that, I know you do. But…” He cups Richie’s cheek in one hand, the other still scritching gently at his scalp. The nightmares, he doesn’t need to say it. Richie still has nightmares about seeing him skewered, about how if he had moved any less quickly, that claw could have gone through his spine, punctured a lung, torn his heart clean out… Richie wakes up with a strangled scream in his throat a couple times a week, they both know the nightmares are a problem. 

Maybe Eddie has a point. Maybe the truth will sink in if they try this stuff out, if Eddie’s resilience and vitality are made that much clearer to him. If they wrestle and tie each other down and if he can spank him pink and watch him recover, maybe the more they do this stuff, the more they’ll relax together. And maybe he can replace some of the images from his worst dreams with good stuff, now. With Eddie writhing and begging for him, with Eddie’s relaxed smile, with Eddie in his lap and in his bed and in his arms. Until he doesn’t think about the skewering, or the hospital after, or at least not much.

“Okay.” He kisses Eddie’s cheek, then his lips, quick and light.

“We’ll try at home?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can-- I can do it. We’ll try it at home. And… if the spanking doesn’t work out, I’ll pin you down, okay? We can definitely do that. And the ropes.”

“Okay.” Eddie gives him a hard hug, before they both turn their attention back to the workshop, where one of the other couples has been attentively watching the spanking demonstration, where the other couples have been practicing their ropework further, all of them sharing giggles and whispers and bright smiles as they discover what it is they’re getting out of the whole thing.

“This is about the color you want to aim for.” Tony is saying to the others, pulling one leg of his sub’s shorts up a little to display a raspberry pink patch of skin. “I mean-- you don’t want to get darker than this, you don’t want to really _ bruise _ too much, you’re trying to avoid real damage. Not that there aren’t some who like to go harder, and a few bruises now and then are hardly any harm. Bruise myself on the furniture about once a week, anyway, at least a bite mark is fun...”

It makes sense, Richie realizes, the shorts, spanking the back of the thigh to be able to show off how the skin should look without having to expose anything more intimate. Also, he thinks, ‘bite mark’ sounds very fun. Maybe he could handle seeing Eddie bruised, after all, and not just think about seeing him when he’d barely started to recover.

Tony’s sub is definitely out of it at this point, and he speaks softly to him, leading him over to where a couple of large cushions are laid out. He moves a couple more around until he has a place where he can lay him down, and he goes to where he’d unpacked all the gear and ropes from, bringing out a fluffy throw blanket that he tucks over him.

“There’s a good pet.” He coos. “I’m going to get everything else set up, love, I have to show the group how I take care of you. All right?”

He hums, which satisfies Tony well enough, as the loose semi-circle comes back together around him, and Tony pulls a chair up to eventually sit in, before he bustles about getting the rest of what he needs. 

“All right, aftercare. Promised we’d get to this. As you can see, I’ve got one very relaxed pet on my hands, and that’s the goal, that’s what I want to give him and it’s what I love to see. When he’s at peace like this, and I’m the one who did that for him, I’m on top of the world, but it puts him in a delicate position. It’s a little different when we’re doing workshops-- when we’re home, he sinks into it hard and fast sometimes, and I’m his whole world, and he’s mine.” Tony says, as he sets up-- he lights a scented candle, there on the table where the ropes used to be, lays out a bottle of lotion and a first aid kit and a few other things.

Richie nudges Eddie when the first aid kit comes out. “Hey, is that your fetish?”

“Shut up.” Eddie snorts and nudges back. “I’m trying to pay attention.”

“My job now is to make sure he comes down from it feeling good, and I know that later, he’s going to reassure me, too. I don’t want him to drop, and that’s something that might not happen right away. A sub can come out of subspace feeling fine in the moment, and over the next couple of days find they feel anxious or depressed or uncertain, so you want to check in. And it goes both ways-- a Dom can feel guilt, anxiety… either partner might feel clingy, and might feel like it’s unreasonable in the days after to need more, but needing reassurance isn’t clingy, it’s human. The best thing you can do is keep in open communication about how you feel, be honest with each other, don’t try to hide what you need. When you take on something like this, you’re in it for the whole thing. You _ want _ to feel a new and special kind of closeness, so why worry that your partner will think you’re too clingy? You’re opening your soul up to someone when you ask them to take control, and you’re opening your soul up when you take that control and let them be unburdened. When you ask someone you love to take this journey with you, you don’t know what the end is like, but you know you’re ready to feel _ more _ with them.”

“Is the candle part of it?” One of the younger men asks.

“For us, yeah. I mean, it’s not necessary. If a scented candle doesn’t do anything for you, it’s not necessary, but we’ve got our little rituals for coming down gently. Everyone’s got their own things that work. A calming scent can help. Some subs just want to sleep things off, some need a lot of looking after. It’s common to have a temperature drop after a scene, so a hot bath or a warm blanket can help with keeping your partner comfortable and safe. We have a special blanket, as you can see. Some subs need something to cuddle if you need to step away-- a pillow, a cuddly toy, maybe this is when you let the pets-- animal pets-- back into the room and onto the bed. Mine is all right to wait for me as long as I make sure he’s warm and comfortable and the candle’s lit. It lets him know I’m looking out for him and I’ll be right there once I have everything he needs.” He leans down to run his fingers through his partner’s hair. “Gives him a little time to come down physically if he’s overstimulated, too, while I sort out anything he will need. You all right, Pet?”

The hum seems to satisfy him, and he does a little more petting before he returns to the things on the table. 

“You are going to want to make sure your partner’s physical needs are met, especially if they’re out of it and have trouble meeting their own. It might be as simple as a reminder, perhaps a little guidance, bringing them a glass of water… but they might need more care, and depending on what sort of scene you’ve done and how long you were at it, there are different things you’ll want to do. Mine sometimes needs a little help holding onto a water glass at first. If you have to walk from one room to another you might want to keep a hand on your partner until you know they’re steady, especially if they’re still shaking out the pins and needles after being bound or kneeling for a long time. Now, there’s nothing we need from the first aid kit today, but we do keep one stocked and on-hand-- after all, even when we don’t plan anything too extreme, accidents can happen. Mostly what I do find useful is arnica gel for bruising. If anything during bondage leaves abrasions, there’s neosporin, but we don’t really have much use for it-- still, if you’re concerned about accidentally breaking the skin, if you like a rougher rope or metal cuffs and if you like struggling against your bonds, or if you ever get carried away with biting-- it happens!-- then it’s good to keep on hand. I keep an instant handwarmer in there just in case a temperature drop seems extreme and I don’t want to wait on the hot water bottle before giving him something.”

Eddie is, of course, taking mental notes, even though Richie thinks he’s supposed to be the one doing all this stuff. Isn’t he?

“Do we need to get handwarmers?” He whispers. 

“You _ really _ don’t know what’s in the first aid kit in the linen closet, do you?” Eddie glares at him. “We have some.”

“Babe, we live in LA, why do we have handwarmers?”

“For _ emergencies_.”

He lets it go. When it comes to the big first aid kit in the linen closet, he’s learned to-- that’s where Eddie gets a feeling of control in life, against the spectre of disease and injury. All the fears his mother instilled in him that he’s working through still exist, and he’s coping, but he’s got to be prepared, and Richie gets it. Even though he’s not familiar with all the extensive contents of the big kit the way he’s familiar with the small ones in the kitchen and in Eddie’s nightstand, he feels better knowing they have that shit, too. When he wakes up from one of those nightmares, he’s glad they’re prepared for anything.

There’s more-- about food, both as something that might be necessary and as something it’s pleasurable to share, bond-strengthening. Richie tunes back in for enough of it-- feed Eddie something after a spanking, he can do that. He knows the very short list of things Eddie will eat in bed.

“Whether it’s abrasions from bondage or the result of impact play, I do go in with lotion over anywhere the skin is red and tender, after.” Tony continues. “Well, we’ll do that at home today, and not in front of an audience, but that’s our usual routine for after workshops. We’ll have a bath together and then I’ll massage anything that needs massaging. And in the morning, he’ll do the same for me, when I start to really feel any exertion I might have put into taking care of him during a scene and he’s bounced back, that’s when he makes sure I have what I need. We always make sure we can carve out time the morning after a scene just to continue to reassure each other. Even with how long we’ve been together and doing this. And we know we can call each other at work. If he ever needs to hear my voice, he can always leave a message if I can’t pick up right away. And if I find myself worrying and need to hear his, he’s usually free to answer-- at least, enough for a little check-in. Not that we’re anxious much now, are we, Pet?”

His sub is currently latched onto his ankle, he hums again at the question.

“No… really, we’ve found our rhythm, and now when we’ve had a session together, we both feel more relaxed and more confident over the following week or so. World’s a little easier to handle. It’s the sort of thing that feeds the soul, I feel more connected to him, I remember what’s important in life, and I feel like I reconnect with myself as well. There are hiccups. There are times when one of us drops, when it’s been a hard time emotions are more volatile than usual, We get through it when it happens-- we take extra time to really take care of each other when we’re not at our usual best. Hiccups do happen, and when they do, it’s not because you’re bad at this, but it is an opportunity to find what it is you need to focus on. You’re going to find the things that work for you-- and if you want to join the mailing list, I’m afraid I’m not remotely consistent with newsletters or anything like that, but I do keep tabs on and promote other workshops run by people I know-- or by us. And I do try to keep people updated with helpful resources.”

Richie goes ahead and signs up for the mailing list. Couldn’t hurt, he thinks.

“You wanna get out of here?” He grins nervously, as Eddie takes his arm. 

“Yeah, you wanna try some stuff back at home?”

Richie nods, and Eddie leans up to kiss his cheek. 

“Okay. You got this.” He smiles. “Hey, Rich? Whatever we do or don’t do today, I’m really proud of you for getting out of your comfort zone like this for me.”


	3. You Make Me Feel Like I am Young Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie tries his hand at spanking, and finds what he likes about the whole thing-- and how to make it even better next time.

It is easier at home. Richie hadn’t been sure, but it is. At home, he can put on music, and take his time undressing Eddie, and everything about it feels easier. He knows it wouldn’t feel this easy if they hadn’t gone to the workshop, if he hadn’t gotten the practical tips and also the reassurance that this is just another way of loving Eddie, that if he likes it, that’s not a bad thing-- and if he doesn’t, but he can still give it to him, it’s something that can bring them closer. He can do Eddie’s thing, and then when he figures out what his thing is, he can ask for it, they’ll see.

It’s easier knowing he’ll be able to look at how red Eddie’s skin gets, easier knowing he can have Eddie relaxed at home, so that it will go easier for him, too. And at home, he hadn’t felt silly when he’d smacked his own ass a few times to know better how it might feel, something he’d done once he had Eddie stripped and laid out, during his trip to grab some lotion and change into pajama pants.

He starts out by giving Eddie a massage, starting up at his shoulders and working his way down to the backs of his thighs, getting him all pliant, listening to the soft moans and sighs, feeling the looseness in his muscles. He’s got Eddie’s fancy fucking body butter, or whatever it’s called. The stuff he slathers onto his heels and knees and elbows after showering. Vanilla, with a very masculine blend of musk and spices and smoke, and it smells damn good on him, though Richie can foresee one problem.

“We’re going to need to get another lotion, if we’re going to do this. Another one that smells good.” He says, because he’s not using Eddie’s unscented hand lotion for kinky fun times. “Otherwise after a few times, one of us is going to get a hard-on every time you use this stuff.”

“You already get a hard-on every time I use it.” Eddie chuckles into his pillow. “You come over and smell me.”

“Well, you smell sexy, so sue me. But I don’t have to get even more of one. And you!”

“Okay. I’ll buy another lotion. For next time.” He wriggles. “But for now?”

“For now… yeah.” Richie agrees. He shifts Eddie out of the center of the bed, so that he can take that position, sitting up against the headboard, and then he helps position Eddie across his lap, lying down across the length of the bed, pillow in his arms to rest his head against and feet dangling off the edge.

He’s already well-rubbed and squeezed from the massage, but Richie still spends some time just touching him gently, warming him up. He waits for Eddie to give his ass an insistent little wiggle before he gives in and smacks him.

Oh. Okay. The sound is different, skin on skin. It’s not the gentle little sound that comes when he’s squeezing past Eddie in the kitchen and he gives him a little pat-- those pats on the ass always sounded the same as a clap on the shoulder, or a little ‘you sit tight and I’ll get that for you’ pat to Eddie’s thigh when they’re sitting side by side and Richie gets up to get them each a drink, those companionable little unsexy touches. It’s sharper, and it’s… 

Interesting.

Eddie’s ass is firm and tight, but it still responds with just a little jiggle when Richie gives it a smack, and that’s interesting, too. There’s a corresponding sting in his palm, what he imagines Eddie must be feeling. Not bad. Like the feeling of a short round of applause, which is familiar and pleasant enough an association.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asks him. “Talk to me, Rich.”

“I-- I’m okay, yeah. I mean… you know I like your ass.”

Eddie chuckles, doesn’t justify that with a response-- Richie has been very vocal in the past about all the things he’d like to do with Eddie’s ass. This has just never been one of them before… 

They are supposed to talk, though, he thinks-- supposed to keep communicating as they get into this, until they really know what they’re doing.

“I love your ass.” He continues, giving Eddie another one. Spreading his cheeks and kneading gently again before releasing him and going for one more sharp little smack. “I love… everything about it. I love when you’re the little spoon and you grind back into me in the morning until I can’t take it. I love fingering you when I’m going down, and how you make those noises when I’ve got a finger on your prostate and your dick down my throat. I love eating you out, like, the day you said I could as long as there was no actual contact, and we broke out the lube and heavy duty saran wrap? That was fucking Christmas morning, babe, I could eat your ass all day long. Like, and it’s already the cleanest asshole imaginable, I feel like your ass on a day you don’t plan on having sex is cleaner than a lot of people who are fully hoping to get fucked, you’re… like, it’s not that I’m into eating ass? It’s absolutely because it’s your ass. And that time you weren’t up for it but you said you wanted to take care of me, and so you _ just _ did the grinding thing, like… when you had me trapped between your ass cheeks and my stomach and you were, like… reverse cowgirling me, just without penetration?”

“Yeah? What did you like about that?”

“Watching you.” Richie gives him another squeeze, another smack. “Watching us. Putting my hands on you.”

“If I did that again, that position, would you do this for me while I grind on you? Would you slap my ass while I make you feel good, Rich?”

Eddie is hard, Richie can feel him against his thigh, and that’s definitely hot. As is the idea of Eddie straddling and riding him-- or grinding on him, as the case may be. He’d liked it so much, watching the way Eddie moved, feeling the friction and heat of his body, how it had simultaneously felt so filthy and so innocent, which had been perfect. And he’d liked…

He’d liked the size thing. He’d liked the size thing a lot. Not that Eddie’s any slouch in the cock department, but it’s not the same. Eddie’s very nice, proportionally, Eddie’s dick looks great, it looks big for a guy who’s short and slender like Eddie is… but Richie’s cock, no matter what part of Eddie it’s up against, looks _ huge _ by comparison. Richie’s hands look bigger when they’re on Eddie. Richie feels big, next to Eddie, in a good way-- he doesn’t feel gangly and awkward, the way he feels when he’s next to a lot of people, he just feels _ big_. And he knows he’s not a big guy the way that Mike is a big guy, the way that Ben turned out to be a big guy, not all buff, that he’s just a tall guy with gangly limbs and squishy love handles and big hands and a couple of moderately nice muscles tucked in between the awkward parts of his body, but that’s not how it feels when he’s with Eddie. When he’s with Eddie, he feels…

Capable. Strong. Sexy. 

The guy Eddie can always turn to, whether it’s for a good time in the sack or because he needs protection, or… or if he wanted to borrow a jacket, and Richie’s would be big and warm wrapped around him even over his own, Richie can be that guy. If he was hurt and needed to be picked up and carried a very short distance and wasn’t expecting to be fucked into the mattress any time soon, Richie is confident he could be that guy. Hell, it’s enough of a fucking rush when Eddie asks him to get something down from a high shelf and he can lean over him to reach it and Eddie thanks him, maybe even puts a hand on his chest or his arm just for a moment. Once, Eddie tugged him down and kissed him for his troubles and Richie coasted on that feeling for the rest of the day.

When he thinks about being big next to Eddie and thinks about the spanking at the same time, it’s not great, the two ideas jangle discordantly up against each other, a voice in his head says _ you could hurt him, he’s so little and you could hurt him_, but he knows that’s not true. He knows he’s careful with Eddie, and he knows Eddie is strong. Eddie’s alive and he’s so strong, and he’s not going to let Richie hurt him, not really. He runs one hand along Eddie’s back, and brings the other down against a new spot on his backside, and feels the way Eddie grinds into his thigh.

“I must be doing a better job this time around.” Richie teases, rubbing at the back of a thigh. 

“Feels better without clothes in the way. And-- yeah.”

“Figured. Since you’re humping my leg.” He gives him another stroke, as hard as he dares-- which isn’t very, in the grand scheme of things, he’s sure there are people who get off on harder blows than he’s giving even at his most, but it’s enough. It’s enough for Eddie, who gasps, hips jerking. “Naughty boy, Eddie-bear.”

“_Never _ call me Eddie-bear in bed.”

“Ew, yeah, right. Just remembered that one.” He frowns. “Taking ‘Eddie-bear’ off the list. But you are… a naughty boy… aren’t you, Spaghetti-O?”

“Also not sexy.”

“Baby, you’re wounding me here. Do you want to get off like this?”

Eddie freezes, and so Richie waits, hand resting gentle over the curve of his ass until he’s thought it over.

“Can I?” He asks, his voice small.

“Can you what?”

“Can I… can I come?”

“Just from rubbing yourself up against me?” Richie’s voice goes low. “Baby, are you going to make a mess? Because you just… can’t… wait?”

And he gives Eddie three more good smacks, against his less reddened cheek, and feels the way he can’t seem to decide if he wants to push back into the blows or grind down against him. He’s glad he opted for the silk pajamas, he’s not sure sweatpants would have been quite so nice to rub up against. His own cock is definitely up now, and when Eddie writhes, there’s a little contact, just not enough.

“You’re leaving a damp spot on me.” He continues. “Leaking like that… you always get so fucking wet, baby-- one of these days I should tie you up and tease you, just to watch that cock drip. Put out a towel under you… see how long I can enjoy the show before you just have to come.”

Eddie whines, rolling his hips, and Richie finds himself getting into the spanking just to break up his rhythm, just to make him gasp and moan… just to feel the way it heats his skin, spreading the pink around evenly.

“You’re such a fucking tease like this.” He says, watching the way Eddie’s grip tightens on the pillow, watching the flex of his muscles as he rolls his whole body in search of that friction. “Yeah, you’re getting off on it, I can tell, but I’m not feeling nearly as much of you. You feel me getting hard for you, baby?”

“Uh-huh…”

“That’s all for you, that’s-- fuck, Eddie, you’re beautiful, you’re always beautiful… I want you so bad, and when I see you turned on, I want you even more, when you let go you’re something else and I just… I just want you so bad… You gotta come for me, baby, you gotta come soon, okay? We’re almost done, if you want to come like this, you gotta give it to me now.”

He grabs a handful of Eddie’s ass, directs him a little in speeding up his rhythm, shifts his thigh a little under him-- it’s not perfect, but if he can give him a little bit better of an angle or a little bit more of himself somehow… 

“Do it again.” Eddie gasps. “One more, Rich, one more, please, please…”

He winds up giving him two more, before Eddie chokes out a little sound and comes on him, his whole body trembling in the aftermath, and Richie is rock hard, but Eddie is his priority. He carefully moves him to lie on his side so that he can clean him up, and then he gets him comfortable on his front again, goes back to the lotion and gently sees to his tender backside-- throws in a little more groping as he does, not hard enough to bother Eddie. 

He knows he can rub arnica in in the morning if he bruises anywhere, but he really hopes he doesn’t, he’s not sure how he’ll feel if there are bruises. The pinkness he can handle, it’s… nice, maybe? Cute? But bruises, he’s not sure. He likes leaving hickies, but it’s different… Well, maybe it’s different.

They hadn’t discussed getting off, beforehand. He didn’t think he would get aroused to begin with, and he figured he’d be in his right mind to agree to whatever Eddie asked for in terms of a helping hand, mouth, whatever. Helping thigh. Eddie seems out of it, enough that it doesn’t feel right to do much of anything. What he wants, more than anything, is to come on him-- it surprises him, actually. He’d have figured he might want a blowjob, but he doesn’t even care if Eddie _ does _ anything to him, just wants him to lie there so that he can see his come on him, white against the deep pink of his ass, or maybe on his face. And Eddie is usually pretty averse to a mess, so he tells himself it’s out of the question, but just the thought of it has him twitching.

“Baby?” He ventures, nervous.

“Mm?”

“Baby, I’m gonna jerk off, okay? You can relax, I’ve just gotta finish, I’m dying here.”

“Mm.” Eddie smiles at him, warm. Watches through half-lidded eyes as Richie gets himself off, and being watched is also pretty hot, really. Eddie’s hand rests on his thigh, the one without the huge mess seeping into the silk of his pajama bottoms. Touching him, connected to him, and Eddie’s eyes are so dark, and there’s a haziness to them that isn’t quite drunk and isn’t quite sober, but his focus is on Richie. 

He watches Richie come into a wadded tissue, and then watches him strip-- hums at Richie’s ‘be right back’, and Richie hurries through cleaning himself up, before grabbing another pair of pajama pants for himself, and a pair for Eddie. 

Eddie’s a little shivery when he gets back to their bed, but he warms right back up once Richie gets him dressed, rubs hands over his arms and back to chase away the goosebumps and tucks him into bed. 

They need a kit for this, he thinks, as he extracts a half-voiced promise that Eddie is all right and going to remain that way, before he goes and gets him a big glass of water and one of his lemon protein bars. They need to have all their shit together before they start, because he doesn’t like leaving the room-- not because of Eddie’s state, even, Eddie had seemed content to just drift in bed waiting for him, but his own heightened Eddie sense, the need triggered by it. Sure, he’d needed a little space to clean up and all that, but he’d been able to leave the bathroom door open and keep an eye on him for that. He craves the closeness, he hadn’t been prepared for the feeling. It’s so like how he’d felt when Eddie was recovering in the hospital, and being away from him made Richie so anxious, even being around the corner from an open door had felt like so much…

There’s a clarity, though. As he gets Eddie leaned up against his chest so that he can sip at his water, so that he can be fed, there’s a clarity.

A mini fridge, that’s the first thing he needs. He could fit one under his nightstand. Make sure he had a drink waiting there before they got started, a snack. He takes a bite of Eddie’s protein bar, grinning down at him when Eddie huffs out a protest.

“What? You didn’t seem that into it, babe.” He teases, kissing Eddie’s forehead. “This is just for now. Later I’m going to make you some real food. House specialty, okay?”

“‘Kay.” Eddie gives in easily, with that promise. 

“Did I break you?”

“Nuh-uh.” He snorts. “I’m good.”

He’s going to get a mini fridge, store a snack and a drink for them both before they start. He’s going to get another nice lotion, which they can keep in whichever drawer they keep the rope in-- for now, Eddie’s nightstand, his emergency bedside pharmacy moved over to the top of the dresser. He’s going to get Eddie… maybe a nice bathrobe? Something special to keep warm with after, that isn’t just their normal blankets. So they can have that whole ritual thing. He sets his bedside lamp on its lowest setting, closes the curtains, and turns out the light, so that they can get an afternoon nap in, but he doesn’t feel like napping. He feels awake, just physically tired a little. 

It’s enough to hold Eddie in his arms and watch him breathe, for a while. 

Later, when Eddie wakes up seeming more or less himself-- maybe a little cuddlier and quieter, but not outside the realms of the usual-- Richie loans him a hoodie to wear, installing him on the couch where he can lounge on his side instead of sitting.

“Were you going to cook for me?” Eddie asks, a little smile tugging at his lips.

“Yeah. Hey-- I’ll even give you a choice. Italian or Chinese?”

Richie is the better cook, given the amount of time Eddie had spent dependent on women who didn’t want him to bother learning to take care of himself, but Eddie still teases him sometimes with reminders of early kitchen disasters. This time, though, he doesn’t bring up any pre-teen mishaps-- he doesn’t even bring up the fact that ‘Chinese’ means exactly one dish in Richie’s repertoire, and that he uses those microwave rice pouches. 

“Italian.”

“Spaghetti for the Spaghetti.” Richie intones sagely, making him laugh. A laugh he doubts Eddie would admit to later, if he were to say to any of their friends ‘hey, he actually likes when I tease him, and he thinks my dumbest Voices are funny’. Although if anyone else said Richie wasn’t funny, Eddie would be the first to reassure him. 

It’s cute, the way he’ll laugh for Richie alone and then get embarrassed laughing at him in front of anyone else, though. Because Richie knows Eddie thinks he’s funny, he’s just… flustered. Still unsure after all these years how to deal with loving him and laughing with him, the sense-memory of old fears. He knows how it goes, what it feels like to wonder if everyone will know that you like a boy, if you’re not careful. If you show that you like him, if you admit you think he’s good at the things that he loves, if you don’t make fun of him-- only as good as he can dish right back at you, because you don’t want people to know, but you want desperately for him to like you, you never want to push him away with it, you just know you need to be obnoxious to be safe, like camouflage. He’d done the same. He’d still burned with so much love and admiration. He and Eddie, they’ve always been the same, even if they didn’t know it then.

Eddie reaches for him, and so he catches his hand and presses a kiss to it, which is apparently all he wanted. That granted, he grabs the remote and puts on House Hunters International. Richie can’t see him from the kitchen, over the back of the couch, but he can hear him berating the titular house hunters of the episode.

“Paint is so cheap, you fucking morons, you want to remodel the bathroom in the townhouse because you don’t like the paint in the fucking ranch?” 

“You tell ‘em, tiger.” Richie grins, and he sets some of the jarred sauce from the fridge to heat up, and tosses in a little extra garlic and oregano, because it’s not the best jarred sauce. It’s the kind Eddie had had a coupon for, and they have good money, but Eddie gets a thrill out of couponing. Not extreme couponing, thank whatever higher power is listening for that, but he likes the organization of it, finds comfort in having secured even a small deal when it’s a _ good _ deal. Gets excited over the ‘how much you’ve saved this month’ number going up on whatever tracking app he uses for these things. 

They complete each other like this, Richie thinks. Eddie loves data and numbers and crunching those numbers into data or from data, he loves the practical side of math, wielded like a precision tool. Richie has never once given a fuck about _ using _ math, which he’s been told is a criminal waste of his natural talents. He still has a great head for numbers. He can sit down with Eddie and run through all the calculations for any household thing, and Eddie can take those numbers and turn them into something that makes sense in the real world, that _ does _ something in the real world. Eddie can take the math that Richie does effortlessly and make it into a household budget, or a credit score, or a payment plan.

Or joint taxes. One of these days they’ll sit down side by side and they’ll file their taxes jointly and Eddie will ask Richie easy questions, number questions, and then he’ll plug them into all those complicated things that _ don’t _ make sense to Richie, forms and things that make sense to _ Eddie_, and when it’s over they’ll have a joint tax return, and it’s such a stupid thing to find himself getting emotional over as he makes pasta, but he is emotional. 

Eddie is lying on the couch yelling at the TV, wearing Richie’s oversized hoodie, and his hair is a mess and he smells delicious and he’s so good at all the parts of life Richie is bad at-- and so bad at some of the parts that Richie is good at, which only feels fair-- and he’s the first boy Richie ever loved, and the last man he ever will, and he can’t wait to file taxes with him. That’s something no one warns you about when you’re young and in love. He used to dream they’d have a car and the freedom to go places whenever they wanted, and a house where no one would tell them what to do, where they could eat sugary cereal on a Monday morning, and jump on the furniture, and now here they are, and…

And Eddie rolls his eyes whenever he catches Richie eating sugar frosted cocoa anything on a weekday morning, but sometimes he comes home from work and pours himself a bowl and puts his feet in Richie’s lap on the couch. And they don’t jump on the furniture, true, but they make the bed shake often enough. And when Eddie doesn’t have to go in to work, they sometimes just get in the car and drive until they find someplace they want to be, and sometimes they pick up fast food even when they have food at home, and sometimes they eat ice cream when it’s raining outside, which Eddie had always been told was somehow bad for him, and… it’s close enough to everything he’s ever dreamed.

It’s better.


End file.
